Sometimes, you just won't understand until you experienced it.
Never thought that one day life could be this complicated.
I need to think through and stop keeping to myself.

Don't think so much. Just do it.

This is life.

Likely the worst period of my shooting life. So much changes in a short span of time. New coach is not making anything better, in fact making me dread trainings... 

My interest is dying. Rescue it, someone! D:

Quite disappointed. Perhaps I didn't work hard enough. Perhaps I need to change my focus.
This can't continue.....

Actually life is quite complicated. Just a random idea that came across my mind. 

Sometimes you regret not treasuring until you lose it. 

Sometimes you have to lose it to realize you've put too much emphasis on it. 

 

It's quite true! 

Most of the time, friends holds me back from some decisions. Now that I see some people slowly making the decision to retire, I started asking myself, how did they make the decision and why. The moment the decision is made, it's hard to turn back. They are people with talents yet they chose to end it, with some reasons. 

Though I do not have a definite answer, I sort of understand why. & I turn to myself and ask why not. 

Yes, why not? 

Saw a really bad news on FB.
After so many incidences I've already learnt not to take things for granted. Treasure life.

To see this happen to someone I used to see around school and who's even younger than me, my heart aches. 

RIP cheerful guy. 

Over these few months I've learnt to be more compassionate and to empathize with others. Simple things like feeding yourself, moving your arms which doesn't require much efforts to us can actually be something great to others. And of course, staying optimistic in the midst of all problems.

Sometimes we are just too fortunate to treasure simple things in life. Often, it is only when you lose it that you feel the importance.

Week 3 ended, so much stress!

I'm glad that as the week came to an end, I managed to catch up with some deadlines. Totally felt like a load off my shoulder. Hopefully by elearning week I'll be able to stay ahead of all deadlines.

Staying in school means extra self-discipline. There's a need to constantly remind oneself why you're staying in school. Staying in school to save the travel time, for more rest time, more fruitful things. The moment when the extra time is wasted on unnecessary things that you would never have done when you are at home, that defeats the purpose of staying on campus.


Third week into the semester, everything feels different. I miss my friend.

From the time I stop posting till now, so many things happened.

Bad things happened one after another. The semester has started, and there's officially two less familiar faces around in school. I didn't have much of a choice this semester to do the modules I like, totally stuck in things that will potentially bore me out. Just want the next 3-4months be gone asap yet, I don't want school to end so soon.The two of them are positive examples that will give me the motivation for this academic year. If they can be so optimistic, all the more I shouldn't let things like this pull me down.

Also, SOW'13, I know of people who do really well and people with huge goals right now because they regretted not working hard enough in the past.
All these affected me in a way.
Such that I think I should be doing better than this.

As much as the semester ahead might be a boring one, let's set the limit high for once.

The past few days was quite bad for me. 

Bad news, they are scary. Why is life so harsh. 

Up till now I still could not totally accept the fact. It's the first time I ranked anything above my sport. Anything that is more important that my responsibilities. And that is the power of friendship. 

I can't believe that the rest of my summer break and AY13/14 will be full of changes. Not only the sport, and also my school life. I need to get over this soon and stay strong because there are still people and things that will need my support. Even the much anticipated rainbow falls tomorrow will be different. 

Flashbacks keep coming, and it only makes me feel even more terrible. We know you are forcing a strong front, but we don't want you to do so. It makes us feel worse. That few hours where I kept my feelings to myself in front of everyone, I suffered the after effects as soon as I was alone. & I know that the moment school starts, it will hit me even harder. 

I'm not good at expressing my feelings in front of people, I don't like physical hugs. But I hope you can infer my feelings from my actions, my friend. Long battle, but we will conquer it together and emerge strong. How I miss the past, how I wish all these were just a dream and things would restore the moment i wake up. 

Please let the dream end soon. 

I really wonder what's the meaning behind all those things.
But all I could say is that the moment I thought i saw the light full of hopes is the moment I got shot.

Time to let it be dead, and that would need some time.
The only time when things go according to what we want is in drama. All we can do in reality is to take it and move on.

Had a talk with a friend. It was until then that I realize that I might have taken things for granted in the past, unknowingly. Only till I lose it that I feel empty.

I tried my best to make up for it, doing things that I usually won't do. Seems like it's a little too late. 

I didn't expect myself to have such problems.  If only time can rewind. 

Every time I read twitter, I feel so deeply for those tweets that I see.
Every time I listen to songs, many things crossed my mind.
This is crazy.
Struggled through two weeks of absolute emptiness, and god knows how long more.

Day after day, time pass awayAnd I just can't get you off my mindNobody knows I hide it insideI keep on searching but I cant find
The courage to show to letting you knowI've never felt so much love beforeAnd once again I'm thinking aboutTaking the easy way out
But if I let you go, I will never knowWhat my life would be holding you close to meWill I ever see you smiling back at me?How will I know if I let you go?
Night after night I hear my self sayWhy can't this feeling just fade away?There's no one like you, you speak to my heartIts such a shame we're worlds apart
I'm too shy to ask, I'm to proud to loseBut sooner or later I've got to chooseAnd once again I'm thinking aboutTaking the easy way out
But if I let you go I will never knowWhat my life would be holding you close to meWill I ever see you smiling back at me?How will I know if I let you go?If I let you go, oh baby
Once again I'm thinking aboutTaking the easy way out
But if I let you go I will never knowWhat my life would be holding you close to me close to meWill I ever see you smiling back at me?How will I know if I let you go ?
But if I let you go I will never knowWill I ever see you smiling back at me?How will I know if I let you go?If I let you go
If I let you go - Westlife 

Something struck me recently. I've only 4 semesters left in the school if my results continue to be like this. Whether or not it is 4 or 6 semesters left, I'm sure I'll leave without regrets, because... When I choose my modules, my electives, I tend to go for interest rather than whether is it easy. I believe that I should study things I like, and not waste time on 'easy to score' but boring modules. Even if I flunk it'll be without regrets, and 2900 was a perfect example. I still like it and I enjoyed the lectures, life was good.

On the last instructional day, I saw the really practical side of Singapore students. When the lecturer starts talking about things that are not examinable, you see students start strolling out. That makes me wonder, is education just for the sake of doing well in exams? I'm sure education is more than just that. So what if things like the production of oil palm is not tested in a molecular genetics modules? So what if you learn the basics of genetics and you can't apply and understand the real world examples. Science is about discovery.

I know that I'm risking myself by choosing 'difficult' modules, but I can't stand seeing the topics I'm really interested in and yet I don't do it--just like why I took human anatomy.

I've my reasons for all the modules I take, and they are not because "it is easy to score".

Ironic as I've said.. Why are we still in contact?

A message not replied after seeing for more than half a day. I'm fine with that, just that it makes me feel like an annoyance. Repeatedly.

So I got sick and tired till I decided to stop. Probably that would do things good? The next moment, it's back, with a random conversation starter.  BUT, why bother starting it again when the same cycle is repeated after I replied?! Don't talk to me when you don't want to reply..

Am i being cruel, or being cruel to myself? So much significance. Maybe that was a wrong step. At least I want to believe so.

The end of NUSIS'13. It was an experience that my past 7 years of shooting were unable to give me. Life as a participant would be much easier, but then the memories would not be there. I've participated in 20 over competitions but I can't remember anything about them. 

I don't remember all the previous NUSIS I've participated but I'm sure I'll remember this year's. Not only was I part of the committee, I finally waited till the day I received another medal. It was a 5-year wait, so long that all of my friends have left the sport. 

------------ 

Now that NUSIS is over, there's no need to wake up at 6am to travel to yishun anymore. It feels weird to be at home even at this timing. The past few days feels like a dream and I just woke up from it. 

Following the end of this event, it's time to get back to reality and I was surprised by my result for the first CA of the sem. It's a good start (: